Top Ten Reasons Why You Ran Slow at States

10. Your crew replaced your Aleve with the other blue pills, and, while it worked as a cooling mechanism, the priapism left little blood for the stomach or leg muscles.

9. You got lost somewhere around Chicken Hawk Rd (sorry lc).

8. You’re old.

7. You couldn’t tell if you were peeing blood or if there was simply blood in your urine so you took a break at Cal 2 and drank a gallon of water.

6. Your eyeball popped out on the Swinging Bridge and you spent two hours looking for it with your good eye.

5. You trained the walk but forgot to train the run.

4. You forgot to train.

3. You challenged your pacer to a cannon ball contest off No Hands Bridge (hint hint, A JizzleWizzle).

2. You blew your wad in the canyons.

1. You were dressed like this and they held you up at Devils Thumb to see if your soul had separated from your body.

Balloon Knot

Balloon Knot

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  1. You ran 20 hours, but the field is getting so fast these days that’s now considered slow….
    It’s getting so hard to gain entry, you wanted to take your time and savor the moment….
    You’re a classic “kicker”…and just waited until the race got onto the track to unleash the beast with a 150 meters to go…
    You confused the sage advice and you ran the “ups” and walked the “downs”….
    You stopped at each aide station and read Thornley’s detailed course description for the next segment…
    You forgot about the “penalty fees” when you starting withdrawing the time that you “banked”…
    You ran out of toilet paper and accidently used posion oak….
    You thought 50 miles was half way….
    You made a bet and raced head to head with the “Head Master”…

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