10. Your crew replaced your Aleve with the other blue pills, and, while it worked as a cooling mechanism, the priapism left little blood for the stomach or leg muscles.
9. You got lost somewhere around Chicken Hawk Rd (sorry lc).
8. You’re old.
7. You couldn’t tell if you were peeing blood or if there was simply blood in your urine so you took a break at Cal 2 and drank a gallon of water.
6. Your eyeball popped out on the Swinging Bridge and you spent two hours looking for it with your good eye.
5. You trained the walk but forgot to train the run.
4. You forgot to train.
3. You challenged your pacer to a cannon ball contest off No Hands Bridge (hint hint, A JizzleWizzle).
2. You blew your wad in the canyons.
1. You were dressed like this and they held you up at Devils Thumb to see if your soul had separated from your body.